


stretch just so much and no farther

by BurningFairytales



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, hinted Gabriel/Lucifer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-09
Updated: 2013-01-09
Packaged: 2017-11-24 05:36:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/631005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurningFairytales/pseuds/BurningFairytales
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Heaven isn't quite the place it used to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	stretch just so much and no farther

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aluminium](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aluminium/gifts).



 

_There is no single, unimpeachable word_

_for that vague sensation of something_

_moving away from you_

_(- “There is no word” by Tony Hoagland)_

 

Heaven is beautiful. Stars are turning in the skies; there is light everywhere, the Garden is marvellous with all the life in it; life that will not exist on Earth for a long time to come. Heaven is beautiful like seeing the light touch down, like seeing their father create something new entirely or like helping and healing is beautiful. Like feeling his family's adoration around him and knowing he is loved.

That's the kind of beauty Heaven possesses.

In some way, it is a place of clarity. It's knowing everything; a place where no confusion can darken your thoughts, where there is no doubt to trouble your mind.

He allows himself to smile as he glances around and lets himself feel the presence of his siblings.

Raphael thinks that this beauty is something that is and will always be undeniably true; however, he thinks it is still not possible for anyone but his Father to fully comprehend Heaven. But that is okay. It's okay for him not to understand it.

Next to him, Gabriel grins. His wings are spread out behind him, glowing golden in the light. There they stand, him and all three of his older brothers - Gabriel, Lucifer and Michael - all smiling, awaiting their father in Heaven's Garden.  They are happy and together and at _home_.

 

It's not the beginning; not exactly. But it's close enough, and no one is counting anyway.

* * *

" _Lucifer!_ " the name is spoken with such anguish that leaves even Gabriel at a loss for words. The angels' thoughts are in turmoil; no one fully understands the situation, no one dares to question it. The brothers are facing Lucifer; Michael stands up front, and Gabriel stands close by. Raphael himself keeps his distance; even though he is first and foremost a healer, and he should know how to make things better... this is not something he knows how to fix. He can only stare at Michael, who is confronting Lucifer at the moment and hope that his brother, his _general_ knows what to do.

"Lucifer, please. I beg of you, _don't do this_. Not over this. You're our brother; don't let these… human beings take that from you." Michael is desperate. Of course he knew that Lucifer wasn't happy with the creation of mankind, but that he would go so far as to deny their Father's wish of loving them... that he would actually try to start a fight like that... no, he would have never believed that things would go so far. He had always been there with Lucifer. He had raised him and cared for him and he had always loved him.

He still loves him.

And he doesn't know what to do.

Lucifer looks like he is hesitating. Michael can feel his love for them, but there is also a deep sadness and a sense of betrayal that he can't fully comprehend.

In the next moment, though, Lucifer spreads his wings, white and cold like his Grace suddenly feels, and he retorts "I won't stay here. Not like this. You say that I am your brother, and yet you don't even try to understand me. None of you. I asked you to stand with me, and you denied me. Have I not earned you trust? Have I not earned your _love_? Michael!" Lucifer looks at him, long and hard, but there is really nothing he can say. He will always be loyal to his father.

In the end, Lucifer knows this, too.

"Or what about you, Raphael? And Gabriel, have I not always been there for you? Brother, I love you. And I'm asking you, here and now, to side with me."

But for the first time in truly ever, Gabriel finds that there is nothing he can say. He has always loved Lucifer, and he has always loved him a little bit more than anyone else. Because Lucifer was there for him; Lucifer had taught him how to prank his brothers, and most importantly, Lucifer had understood him.

Gabriel had always been sure that he would have done anything for Lucifer.

But this... this is too much to ask. He can't possibly choose between his family; his brothers and sisters and his Father, and the brother he loves the most.

He opens his mouth and closes it again, before looking down.

But Lucifer got the message. "Fine. If neither of you can understand my ideals, if neither of you is willing to stand by me, then I will make my own path."

Michael's hand reaches out and he takes a step forward. "Lucifer," he tries again, "Lucifer, please! Listen!"

But with a strong beat of his wings, Lucifer is gone.

Neither of them knows what is to happen soon. They don't know that Lucifer will try - and succeed - to get humanity to betray God like God has betrayed him. They don't know of the battle that will happen because of it, or of the many lives of their brothers and sisters that it will cost them.

For now, none of them can do much of anything.

Raphael can only mourn the loss of a brother, staring at the two he has left.

Gabriel turns around and leaves.

Michael remains where he's standing, the hand that had reached out to Lucifer slowly dropping to his side.

 

This is how it ends.

* * *

For days _(months, years)_ after Lucifer has been locked away in the Cage, Michael does nothing but go through the motions. He has lost one brother, the other barely talks to him anymore and Heaven is in chaos. He exists in a state where there are nothing but words and orders from his father.  

Sometimes there are memories; memories of a Heaven where he spent his time with his brothers; carrying out missions from their Father and being content with just that alone.

It feels like yesterday, but it was so long ago and Michael knows (perhaps better than anyone) that these memories are in the past and the past is not the present. Nothing can change that. Not him - maybe not even God.

Michael also knows that there is a part of Gabriel that resents him for what he has done; perhaps not a big part, but it is there. The other angels respect him too much to come before him. There is Raphael, but he is too busy to try and fix Michael to be there for him, so words and orders are all he has left to keep him company.

Heaven used to be perfect. A place of love and adoration; a place of clarity.

Now, it's a place to go to after a life ends, after someone dies. If Michael had been the poetic one of his brothers, he would have noted a kind of decayed elegance to it, but he isn't, has never been, and so he doesn't.

 

(But he wants it back. By the name of his father, he wants it back.)

* * *

Gabriel mourned after Lucifer left Heaven. He mourned after Michael had locked him into the Cage. And now, years later, he is still mourning.

Heaven was too quiet after it happened. The Garden was filled with angels, brothers and sisters that didn't quite feel like family in that moment, because none of them had lost Lucifer in the same way that he had. (With the exception of his two closest brothers perhaps, but it was Michael that fought Lucifer in the first place, and Raphael had always been to fixated on him anyway. He was too loyal to God and Heaven to ever even consider that fighting Lucifer might not have been the best action.)

It's still too quiet, but more to Gabriel than to anyone else, because something is clearly missing that everyone else seems to be better at making up for.

Even now that the other angels have moved on and are back to carrying out whatever it was that they did with their existences, Gabriel stayed behind. He's not willing to forget Lucifer like the rest of them and turn him into a villain. Nope. Even when the others have conveniently forgotten how much they adored Lucifer - because seriously, everyone did. Lucifer had been the most popular angel in Heaven - Gabriel remembers.

So he stays behind, in his memories. Visiting the Garden, for him, is different than for everyone else.

At some point, he is pulled back into the present though. He's just sitting in the Garden, randomly pulling grass out of the ground and staring at the ever-turning skies when a firm hand comes to rest on his shoulder.

Turning around, he _almost_ expects to find Lucifer behind him, because it always used to be him to find him in moments like these.

He _almost_ opens his mouth to form the familiar name, only to remember that his brother is gone, and it couldn't possibly be him. His heart _almost_ aches a little at the reminder.

"Gabriel". The name feels cold compared to how it used to be spoken. It used to be spoken with mild irritation, sometimes with a small smile. But there always used to be warmth there. Now that warmth is gone.

His Grace feels so familiar to what it used to feel like, and it feels so familiar to what Lucifer's used to feel like. But it changed so much in so little time.

"Michael." Gabriel nods in acknowledgement and then goes back to grass plucking.

The hand on his shoulder tightens a little. "I'm here to take you back."

According to Michael, Gabriel has spent enough time "brooding". Well, according to Gabriel, Michael can stop being such a monumental dick.

Together, they walk among the other angels; Gabriel doesn't really know where they are going. Nor care, really.

But he does notice the other angels bowing to them, to Michael especially. It's just a slight bowing of their heads, a gesture of respect. They used to be respectful in the face of an archangel before, but ever since Lucifer's act of rebellion, their attitude has been getting ridiculous. To him, it was nothing more than a show of respect for fighting their brother and coming out on top. Gabriel hates it.

Heaven is decidedly too bright, he decides. It's too bright, and too colourful, and too... _everything_.

Really, he can't think of a reason he used to love it as much as he did. He stands among his brothers and sisters, and waits for it to feel like home.

 

He waits and waits and waits, and is disappointed when it doesn't.

But, you know.

 _Only almost_.

* * *

Sometime in the future - but not very much later -  in the Garden, Michael smiles. It comes out a little cold and a little twisted, and not at all like Michael's smiles used to be ( _warm and gentle and brotherly)_ , and he lets his wings rest behind him. Raphael looks up from where he is sitting, deep in thought until a moment ago. He doesn't smile. It's been long since he realised that his brother is beyond fixing at this point. Because, after all this, even their father gave up on them. The two of them are alone.

Lucifer is gone.

Gabriel is gone.

God is gone.

 

And after all this, Heaven is really only one thing:

_Heaven is empty._

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Birthday, Al :D  
> This was supposed to go into an entirely different direction, but then it looked at me and said "Nuh-uh, we're doing it *my* way"; so I went with it.  
> I hope you'll like it :)


End file.
